When is Enough Enough?

Oh boy. Have I been doing some soul searching. I find myself stuck, and very unhappy about it. I like to tell myself and others that being legally blind is no big deal. That you do what you can with the cards you are dealt in life.

But you know what?

I'm starting to think I'm blowing smoke up my own ass when I say these things.  I mean, it's been several years(going on 14, to be exact) since I was able to see completely. My first episode which resulted in losing a portion of eyesight happened when Rebecca was not even a year old yet. It's a gradual process, and gets worse as the years go on. I don't think the disease itself is getting worse. At least I hope not. I think now, it's the typical loss of eyesight as one gets older that's getting worse. It just happens that I'm already blind enough without that progression.

But, as I sit here and type this, I find myself getting angry and frustrated. Frustrated because I'm not happy in my current job working from home, and unable to see a way to make it any better. There aren't many jobs available for an almost 40 year old legally blind woman, with only a high school diploma. I know I can do a lot. I'm very capable of learning new things, and love to do so. It's just finding someone to give me the opportunity to prove myself, online.

I hate feeling this way. I always consider myself independent, but the truth is, I'm not, and haven't been for a long, long time. I'm independent in my own home. But outside is a whole other story.

What to do? What to do?