Chasing You With My Butt

Chasing you with my butt is a new game invented by the likes of 6th grade boys obsessed with body parts and bodily functions. Tim has recently taken to playing this game with me. Well, playing with me implies that I take part in the game as well, when in reality, I'm only trying to get away from him while he is playing the game.

The rules are simple. Tim waits until I am not looking. He turns his backside to me, sticking his butt out as far as it will go. Then, in a loud sing-songy voice, he says, "I'm chasing you with my butt," and begins running backwards attempting to "catch" me with his butt. All the while he is chasing me, he's chanting, "I'm chasing you with my butt! I'm chasing you with my butt!" The first time he did this to me, I was horrified because as his mother, I know what comes out of that thing, and how often the boy showers. It was scary, and I ran.

This game was played almost every single day for a week until I devised a plan to put an end to it. My idea was simple as well. When he began another round of "Chasing You With My Butt," I would play along, too. It would be like a contest to see who could catch who first. It would be fun!

So, the next time Tim stuck his butt out, I was ready for him. Before he could begin chasing me, I turned my fanny toward him and ran backwards yelling, "I'm chasing you with my butt! I'm chasing you with my butt!" The look on his face was priceless. It was one for the record books, I'm telling you. He immediately stood up straight and began to run the opposite direction, like someone had set him on fire.

"Mom! Stop it!" he screamed over his shoulder. But, I kept coming. I chased him into a corner. He had no where to run.

"I give! I give!" he pleaded. "Please stop! That's just not right!"

I stopped chasing him with my butt and stood up straight, looking him in the eye with a straight face. "What's not right, son?" I asked him. You could see the horror in his expression.

"You, chasing me with your butt. It's not right. Moms aren't supposed to do things like that. You're my MOM!" 

Desired outcome ACCOMPLISHED!

It's been over a week now since he's played "Chasing You With My Butt" with me.