Did I Ever Tell You About the Time

When Becky tried to pee standing up?

No? Well, it's quite a story, trust me on this one.

She was about three, maybe. I'm not quite sure because the event was so funny and traumatic that I've blocked it out. Traumatic at the time, but I'm able to look back on it now and laugh. Kind of.

She came to me while I was doing dishes and said, "Mommy, I have to go potty." I told her that I'd be right there to help her. To go ahead and get on the toilet.

I continued to wash the dish I was holding, not thinking anything about it. I rinsed it and placed it in the drainer. I dried my hands and went to the bathroom to help her wipe.

What I saw when I entered the bathroom will stay with me forever. There, in all her bare-assed cuteness, was my daughter. Standing up in front of the toilet. Her pants were around her ankles and she was "holding" herself, aiming for the open toilet.

She had already attempted to pee in the toilet before I got there. Her pants were wet, and the bowl had pee running down the front. She was leaning way back, as far back as her little body could go without falling over, and there was a stream of pee almost-but-not-quite making it into the bowl.

I screamed, "STOP!"

She turned around and instantly her face fell. Tears filled her eyes and she started to cry. I felt like the world's worst mother at that moment. Making my kids cry was not something I did on a regular basis. I went to her and hugged her tight.

"Where had she learned to do that?" I thought to myself.

"I was trying to go potty, Mommy. That's how Daddy does it."

Ah-ha! She must've seen Mike in the bathroom once when he neglected to shut the door. Have no fear, though. Since that day, it is a standing rule that if you're in the bathroom, the door must be shut. I don't care if you're just in there to comb your hair or brush your teeth. The bathroom is private time and not to be shared.


I explained to her the difference between girls and boys as best as I could considering she was only a wee thing. She seemed heartbroken that she would never be able to pee like a man because she didn't possess the right parts. She never tried to do it again, and I don't believe she was too terribly traumatized.

I, on the other hand, had to clean the child and the bathroom, as well as have a conversation with a three year old about boy parts and girl parts. I think I was more traumatized than she.

It's funny now, almost 12 years later. If she pulls another stunt like that, she is more than old enough to clean up after herself.