Me and Horses Don't Agree

Guess I won't be needing a pair of riding boots anytime soon.

That's right. This One-Ton-Tessie ain't ridin' no mo' horses for a long time. Once was enough for me.

Picture a short, round woman on top of a large horse. It's not pretty. And the poor horse! He had to be hurting once I got off. He'll probably need at least 3 days to recoup. I felt so bad for the poor thing.

I felt like a big lump of jelly atop that horse, let me tell you. He'd move, and I'd jiggle.

Walk, walk, jiggle, jiggle. I felt like I should be holding my boobs and my fat down as we went along. I asked if there was any way to make him walk more smoothly, but alas, horses don't know how to walk smoothly. At least this one didn't.

I Want. I Want.

My mom just called to schedule a week during the summer for Becky to come and visit. She does this every year, but since she started working at the hospital, she has to schedule things a little more precisely. So, the week is scheduled.

My mom also has a horse. Captain, his name is. All the grand kids love Captain. Hell, I love Captain. He's such a gentle horse. I've only ridden him once, and that was enough for a fatso like me.

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked.......

Becky comes to me after I get off the phone and says, "Mom, I'm going to need some riding boots for when I go up to Granny's."

Um..what?

She's going to spend a week at her grandmother's house, maybe ride the stupid horse twice, and she needs riding boots?

I don't think so.