Question And Answer

Question: What smells worse than the biggest dairy farm on the hottest, most humid day of the summer in Wisconsin?

Answer: Tristan's football stuff after two straight hours of scrimmaging in the hot, humid summer sun and festering for two days inside his bag afterward.

I'm not kidding. It had to be the worst smell I've ever smelled. He left last night saying, "Mom, I need my football stuff washed for practice on Monday."

I thought, "OK. I'll do his football stuff tomorrow when I do Mike's work clothes for the week." I usually do Mike's work clothes on Sundays, which is neither here nor there.

When I opened his football bag, this stench like nothing I had ever smelled before hit me in the face as if someone had smacked me silly. I recoiled, stumbling backwards and dropping the bag. It scared me, I tell you. I didn't want to go back to get the stuff from inside. I wanted to leave it lay, but I was afraid it would grow a mind of its own and attack the family in their sleep tonight.

So, I gathered my courage, held my breath, and went inside. What I found in there was nothing short of disgusting. His clothes were sopping wet with sweat. I swear I probably could've wrung them out. His pad were all damp, and to make matters worse, I had to actually go inside his pants to take pads out. My nose hairs are curling just thinking about it.

Not only did I have to dig these clothes out of his bag, but then I had to carry that smelly, disgusting pile down to the basement so I could wash it all. I literally ran down the stairs, gagging all the way. I feel like I need a shower now.

New rule in my house: Tristan will take his football (or any other sports clothing, for that matter) stuff out of its bag immediately upon entering the house with it, and take it down to the basement himself to be washed. If he doesn't, I will not go looking for it. Therefore, it will not be washed, and he can wear that stinky stuff as punishment. He'll think twice about leaving it to fester for his mother to find two days later.