Am I Being Punished?

The last few months have been a living hell for me.

Why, you ask?

I'll tell you.

A few months ago, I started feeling tired. I started taking naps. I despise naps. I hate when my family members take naps. It's a waste of a good day.......unless you're sick, of course. Anyway, it was all I could do to get through the day without sleeping through it entirely. I went to bed tired, and I woke up tired. I was tired all. The. Time. Tired. Tired. Tired.

Are you getting how tired I was?

Then, my joints started swelling. All of them. They were painful, too. I started taking 800mg Ibuprofen three times a day! I had a hard time doing anything because my joints were so big and uncooperative and painful. And I was tired.

My housework suffered. Mike took over a lot of the duties, making the kids pitch in to "help Mom". I felt like such a loser. First legally blind, now this. I was convinced that I would be this way for the rest of my life, and that I was being punished for some sin I committed in the past.

My job suffered. I couldn't stay awake long enough to do my four hour shift each day. Then, the company got behind on quota and upped our quotas. I never even came close to meeting my quota that month. It was crazy, and I really feared for my job, but was so tired, I really didn't care.

Of course, going to the doctor would have been the first course of action for most people, but I'm not most people. I hate going to the doctor, and I have to be close to death, or at least feel like it before I'll go. Unfortunately, it took me almost 4 months to feel like death. When I finally went for my first appointment, my blood pressure was high, and my joints were severely swollen. The doc sent me for blood work immediately. She threw out things like Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis. I was scared. For two days, I cried and slept, waiting for the test results.

When I went to get the test results, I was resigned to the fact that I had some awful disease and that my time was measured. I mean, people die from Lupus! And Rheumatoid Arthritis? That puts people in wheelchairs way too young. So, I go into the little room, and the doc walks in. She looks all concerned and worried-like. She says hello. I ask her if I'm dying. She laughs and says no. "You're not dying. But, you have diabetes."

Diabetes?

Seriously?

You would not believe the weight that just fell off my shoulders at that moment. I know about Diabetes. I know how to handle that disease. I can LIVE with Diabetes! This was going to be a piece of cake, I thought to myself.

How wrong I was........

It was a week before I could get in to see the Diabetic counselor. You know, the person who tells you what you can and can't eat. So, in that week, I gave up cold turkey: sugar and caffeine. Namely, anything with sugar in it, and my morning coffee, and Mountain Dew.

Mountain Dew. My best friend for so many years. I worshiped the stuff. I drank it by the gallons. I never drank water, but always had a Dew handy. Giving it up was so much harder than quitting smoking. Seriously, folks. I had headaches like you wouldn't believe, nausea, and mood swings galore. I slept just so I wouldn't have to deal with the withdrawals. My body was revolting even more without it's closest friend. It was chaos in there, I'm telling you!

I also cut out all carbs. I was on my own so far, and really had no idea what I was doing as far as eating. I just knew that carbs turn to sugar in the body, and that was the enemy. So, no carbs. It was pure hell. I ate very little that week, and I slept.

But, by the time I got in to the Diabetic counselor a week later, I had kicked the habit, at least physically. Mentally, it still nagged at me, tempting me all the time. I was never a big sugar eater, no sweets to speak of for me. I'm all about the carbs, baby! So, the sugar thing was no big deal. They were all surprised I was able to say goodbye to MD that easily.

The good news is that I can eat just about anything I want........within reason. I have to watch portion size and follow a strict diet as far as carb counts, but it's really no so bad anymore. I still can't have the Mountain Dew, but I've even gotten over that powerful addiction. I no longer dream of it in my sleep, anyway.

And, I no longer need to sleep during the day! That is the best part. I can actually get something done in a day rather than holding the bed down. My joints, although not completely better as my sugar levels aren't under control completely yet, have gone down to almost normal levels, allowing me to do much more. So, all in all, I guess it was a good thing I went to the doctor when I did. I've seen what uncontrolled Diabetes can do to a person, and trust me, it's not pretty.

So, this is why I haven't been blogging, or doing anything significant for the last few months. I should be back now with more regularity, so definitely watch for more!