Did I Do It Right?

Oh boy. Tristan graduates this Sunday, and my nerves are kicking in full time. I'm beginning to wonder if I raised him right? Did I teach him everything that he needs to know to make it on his own eventually? What if I didn't? Will he be smart enough to figure it out on his own?

It's driving me insane, really. He's so emotional lately. I understand the proposition of being on his own might be overwhelming. It's overwhelming for ME! He's probably scared to death at the prospect of heading off to college in the fall. Out of state. On his own. I get it. But, man! He is so emotional, and dramatic, and all, "my life sucks" right now. It's leaving doubts in my mind as to his ability to handle life on his own.

Of course, we'll never be out of reach for him, but we won't be easily accessible like we have been. I wonder if that is bothering him already? I can't talk to him rationally. He crushes everything I say or suggest, as if I know nothing, and he knows everything. It's very frustrating trying to empathize with a young adult. I think he thinks I'm too old to understand....to truly understand how he feels.

But I do understand. I remember graduating high school, and the idea of truly being on my own for the first time in my life bearing down on me. I was scared. But I was excited, too! I couldn't wait to get out there and try it on my own. No more school (I didn't go to college), no more parents telling me what to do, no more answering for anything. On that last one, I found out real quick that that was not true, but I learned. I learned life lessons, and I survived.

I try to convey all this to Tristan, but he doesn't want to hear it. I'm wrong. And whatever I say, it only makes him feel worse, so I'm told. So, I throw up my hands. For now. He'll be fine, I'm sure. I'll just bide my time, and when he needs me (and he eventually does) I'll be here.

It's so hard being a mother.