I'm telling you, I'm having a really hard time with Tristan growing up. The girlfriend thing, the driving thing, the job thing, the talking about going away to college thing, it's all not setting well with me at all.
The thought of him out there on his own makes me very sad, and scares the hell out of me. He's my first born, but yet, he's my baby.
Right now, he has his girlfriend over. I hate, absolutely hate, seeing them snuggled up on the couch, all giggly. He's too young for that, right? I mean, I know what I was doing at sixteen, and if he's doing anything remotely close to anything like that, he's in deep doo-doo! He's too young, I tell you!
I'm not naive. I know what teenagers do. I just don't want to think about it. He's a good kid, with a good head on his shoulders. I trust (because that's what keeps me sane) that he's doing the right thing.
I want so much for him, yet I want to keep him close to me forever. I want to protect him from everything. I want him to be a baby again. I want to relive those younger years when he needed me. When I was his world, and thoughts of him leaving never entered my head. My biggest worry was if he was catching a cold or not. Life was so much easier then.
He doesn't need me so much anymore. Unless he needs money, that is. It hurts. I'm proud of his independence and his popularity. He has tons of friends. Everyone likes him. He has the teenage years I wished I had had. But I miss him.
I know I'm not the only mother to have these feelings. I know there are others who have lived through these feelings and come out the other side as proud mothers. Proud mothers of children who have done well with their lives. I know I'll be one of those mothers some day. I want to be one of those mothers someday.
Another scary thought. There's two more behind him to eventually put me through these feelings again.
0 comments:
Post a Comment